Chapter 06: Getting a grip.

Finally peter was getting a grip on his life he was doing everything he wished to, learn, earn and love.

Doing his bachelor's degree in computers, this decision was rather taken randomly and uncalculated, but he was sailing through it well, he also realized he was good with using and abusing softwares, smartly he collided his artsy side with where he was going, he freelanced any kind of design work that came his way. It was helping him save money for his future and also for the lil treats now and then. He was a doodler! He even designed a jersey and logo for his class football team he was forcefully a part of. He prefered watching any game than playing it out in the sun. He wasn't much of an athlete, not a good runner at all, and his hands to vision coordination was almost not there while catching a ball. He wouldn't be ashamed of it, he laughed about it instead. His friends excluded him from cricket and made him the goalkeeper in football, he was the ultimate goalee they said.

Peter reconnected with Rene over internet. they had their closure, they both agreed. But they both again thought they really didn't need to, it was a silly attraction they concluded, they laughed. This time they were really connecting together but to avoid any undue consequences he decided to tell her about his tastes. He wasn't sure of how to put his feelings in words, he was concerned of how she would feel to find out that her first boyfriend is gay and had always been that even before they met.

He gathered all the courage and asked her to meet over coffee, she had a clue that something was wrong and lingering in his mind and that he wanted to let out. They met at a coffee shop at Dadar, she didn't hesitate being seen on a coffee date in her vicinity, they were just a few blocks away from her home. She was a bold girl for one! Well the coffee was accompanied by just random talks and memories from before, she could sense he was getting comfortable as time was passing by. You're beautiful by James blunt was playing in the background and suddenly, Peter looked nervous, Rene asked "Are you alright?", "Yes" he replied and continued "do you hear that song? It reminds me of someone." he stopped. She sensed he wasn't liking it there anymore she asked "Do you wanna go outside?". He got up promptly and they walked towards the sea, sat by the seashore watching the waves hit the rocks over and over again.

She broke that awkward silence, "You can tell me." Peter wanted to and he did, he told her he was gay and how it all began for him, how he didn't want to change just to fit in, his first love affair, how it wasn't his intention fall in puppy love with her. She was shaken for a while, again it was sheer silence, Peter's heart raced faster with every wave hitting the rocks and every glance at Rene.

She smiled after a while, said it was okay. She didn't find it obnoxious either, she asked for details about his love affair, Peter was overwhelmed to share his life and feelings. She teased him with chehon's name just to watch him blush. She cared. It was late in the evening now, he dropped her home and bid adieu to meet again, he was contented as this was the first time he ever came out to anyone. He was finally learning to express his feelings.

Chapter 05: Winds of change.

The next year Peter lost his father in an accident. He realized he had to be the man of the house soon, support his mother in the coming years, until then his old bachelor paternal uncle would be there to support them around. He wasn’t sure what he was going to be, he didn’t have a plan yet. But given by his sane state of mind, it was clear he would get somewhere at a better place. 

“There was a time
I used to look into my father's eyes.
In a happy home
I was a king, I had a gold throne.
Those days are gone,
Now the memory's on the wall.”

Yes those King days were gone, not completely though, the fear of not being able to satisfy the role haunted his mind, his mother sensed it and asked him not to worry about it as yet. He felt that sixteen years of his life were not enough to have known his father and now he wouldn’t have a chance at that. 

He had lost another man in his life, this time forever. Father’s love was now only to be heard from his friends. Though he repented about the loss it was just because he knew his mother was sad, he never admired his father for his occasional obscure behavior, all the alcohol, violence at home, that sure had come to an end. But it was like a vacuum now, he felt a strange voidness at home. A feeling he wished would soon go away.

Chapter 04: The man to envy at.

Meanwhile in another part of the city Veron was growing up, just a year and half younger to Peter. Veron's life was pretty easy, hard earning parents, an elder sibling who had already moved out of their parents house as soon as he started earning, he was loved more ever since his brother went away, over loved maybe, just enough to be a spoilt brat.

Veron's ideas of love were different, love was the most selfless act he believed. He knew his parents loved both of them equally even though one of them had moved out now. They respected their decisions, offcourse Veron was too young and naïve at that moment to be taking decisions. He was aware of that. But when the. time was right he knew his parents would support him for the better.

He wasn't socially awkward at all, rather careless, in his world he lived like a prince, he got all the more social as he started studying in college, clubbing, alcohol, a few drug abuses now and then followed, money came easy to him, and he had found friends of the same caliber, wasted teenagers, if you may call them. Oh and when I say prince, its because Veron was the prince charming every girl would want to date, fall in love with, and have a happily ever after moment. And they did get their chance, he wouldn't hesitate to taste new waters every other season, he knew there was someone else out there waiting, always. Now this wasn't his fault, he was just a victim of favorable circumstances. Let's not judge him for that. 

He did not believe in lingering for love, if it was over or he did not feel it, he let the doors open for it to go, and someone new to walk in with fresh love. Neither did he believe in chaining down people and their emotions in the name of love. "If you love someone set them free, love comes with no guarantee." he would tell his teen friends. Utterly romantic in all queer ways, he would take his girlfriends to the beach and smoked weed while watching the sunset, yes it was romantic. They loved him for that. His unsual romances were frequent and continous.

A fan of football and tennis and punkrock music, he was a sport enthusiast, striker in the school football team, was learning the violin as a hobby, he did well academically so far, his family was proud of him. They boasted about him whenever they had an opportunity too, he remained humble though. He wasn't an attention seeker, he did not have to seek attention, he always got all the necessary attention. He had his ways.

Chapter 03: You can puppy love.

Until one day when he realized there was a girl in his 9th grade tutorials who would look at him and give him a cute smile. Peter had noticed that most of his friends from school now had girlfriends from the coaching class batch, ofcourse they studied in a boys school where else could they fetch girls?

His friend Stephen was the luckiest of all because he was dating the sassiest of all the girls, short shoulder length hair, high heels, mini skirt, that’s how she would dress up more often. And I should mention she carried it well, the way she walked on the street was bold and perfect not bothered as to how many were looking her way, because she knew she was turning enough heads around. Now she wasn’t the only girl Peter adored. Rene, Green eyes, fair skin and dark brown hair, oh and she looked so pretty in her greens, it made her green eyes more evident.

Peter had always wanted to tell her how pretty she looked in the greens but he was a shy kid, 14, out of a same sex love affair, he did not want to fall for a girl and question his own sexual interests. He was pretty content of what he was and never bothered to try and fit in.

One night while on his way back from classes with Stephen and his girl, Angela. They got into a conversation that made them realize that all the boys from his school who were at the classes had girlfriends now and how Peter was the only one left out, Angela was quick, even before Peter could change the topic she asked if he liked any girl in the batch.

Like a girl? Really Peter had never thought of that much, but something went wrong in his mind and he nodded to approval. She got curious to know who it was, Peter thought this would be a good channel to let Rene know she is pretty, he uttered “Well, Rene is a pretty girl”. But then he made them promise that they would keep this to themselves and not let Rene know that he had said any such thing. They parted ways for the evening, he was happy he had let his emotions out, he went back with a smile on his face.

Next day at classes, he entered with a fresh mind they all took their usual seats, usually at some moment Rene would look back at Peter and smile but today she just didn’t he couldn’t help but notice that she was kind of avoiding to look his way even if she looked back. He convinced himself that she must be in a bad mood or something. Later as usual he was heading home with Stephen and Angela. There was no conversation at first, Peter noticed a different smile on Angela that she wanted to say something. He broke the silence and asked what was the matter with her, he told her what he noticed, she bursted out laughing and stopped to say “You want her, don’t you?”

Well Peter wasn’t sure of what he wanted at the moment, he smiled, remained silent and looked away. Angela continued saying, “She likes you, I told her that you find her pretty.” Peter was taken by surprise his heart started beating a lil faster than ever, he jumped in the air on the middle of the road with joy. It was all involuntary, emotions were flowing in his veins he could feel it.


Oh the rush!

Next day Angela formally introduced Peter and Rene after class as both of them were shy to speak up and thus began their puppy love story. Late night calls, leaving a text on his father’s cellphone to call back. It wasnt the technologically boomed era yet, and it was way sweeter leaving notes with friends to pass on to your lover. A walk to drop her home, just enough to miss the eyes of her father.

The first valentine, oh they both bought each other chocolates, He offered her the cuter ones, small little chocolates stuck on a cardboard cutout like a heart. It was wonderful, magical, beautiful. They celebrated valentines at Angela’s place as her parents were out celebrating their valentines.

Now, It was almost the end of the academic year, nobody was sure where they would be next year, uncertainty lingered on everyone's mind. The ones who were determined stayed in touch, for some unknown reason however Peter and Rene parted ways after the academic year was over. Was she just playing around with Peter? Wasn’t one man to man affair enough to think about? Now he had a man to woman love affair he could ponder upon. Life, continues.