Chapter 02: The woman inside

Wasn’t her 'love situation' to envy at, hold on to your breath because she is a man, no not a trans-man! a complete biological man, Peter.

Peter grew up in Mumbai with his family, his father and mother-dearest loved Peter for all the little things he was as a child in his small little world. Protected by their nurturing envelope he didn’t have a thing to worry about. 

They did not have the slightest clue that their son was different, why he wasn’t interested in sports just as his friends, why he would stay away from all the fuss and rather put his imaginary people and world on paper. Well lil’ Peter wasn’t aware of what he was himself. 

All his different interests just seemed to be a part of his behavior to his family and friends. Oh he was socially awkward as a child. He has always been a dreamer, lost in thoughts, painting some beautiful images of reality. 

He was often bullied by his friends, he did have some close friends in his vicinity. School was no different, his mates at school would point fingers at him for being clumsy, oh you should have seen him play cricket, when he did for the sake of it.

He reached 8^th Grade and he was on his verge of reaching puberty, he was starting to become a man. He would often discuss all his feature enhancements that had happened with his closest friend Chehon. They shared all their secrets but Chehon had some secret experiences he was going through lately, one fine evening Chehon decided to tell peter about his puberty experiences, he was involved in homosexual activities with some other common friend of theirs. Peter got curious to know it, didn’t sound like a sin to him. 

Chehon continued to tell Peter how Swarnil – a boy a year or two older than them - had lured him into doing some blazing fun. He described the entire sin of adolescence and confessed that he had enjoyed the act and further asked Peter if he would be interested in giving it a shot. Peter didn’t express any hesitation and approved to perform the sin with Chehon. Apparently there was a strong latent attraction in Peters’ mind for Chehon, which had just been reciprocated.

After the first time they indulged in the act which could not be exactly called sex, they did not speak to each other for a week, there was an awkward flow of emotions in Peters’ mind. Of what he had known you were suppose to sin with the one you love, only. He wasn’t in love with Chehon or was he, he wasn’t sure of that yet. He was too young to know what love is.

Things went back to normal in a few weeks and now they sinned every other week when either of their parents were not home, they even sinned at school once, just because Peter insisted. He had found a sport to play at school and it was only meant for the two of them Peter was getting to know his wilder side. 

They knew the act was their exclusive ritual. No one had to know, until one day when Swarnil spread the word among friends that Peter and Chehon were homos and that he had seen them kiss while watching the sunset seated on the higher water tank of their building.

Oh how embarrassing it was for them, Chehon being the more of the sports guy eventually mingled with the lot, he was made fun of but eventually accepted. On the other hand Peter took all the blame on him, distance grew them apart, but Chehon stood up to the other friends and tried to make Peters life better. Whenever Chehon stood up for him, the others called them lovers and made fun. Peter was in love, Chehon had moved on and called it a phase. Peter decided to stay where he was, eventually he grew distant from Chehon and his other friends.

He began reading stuff about the preference Chehon called ‘a phase’, he realized it was only natural for a man to be attracted to another man. He blamed it on his dominant X chromosome which forgot to duplicate and turn him into a woman at birth. Nevertheless he was born as a fine man, who accepted himself for what he was, and was awaiting for acceptance by the others.

He found it completely natural to feel like a woman sometimes, stereotypically speaking, to want a man by his side, to lie down listening to his heartbeat, to watch the sunset with him, talk about life with him as if he had all of it figured out himself. Now all he had to do is patiently wait for someone to come along later satisfying all the needs of the woman trapped inside Peter.

Peter laughed when he thought about being a woman, he knew he was least feminine by nature, though he had the eyes of his mother, his voice had already grown deep. Much of a deep tone like some women like but he wasn’t meant for women. His attraction for men only grew stronger day by day. Until one day when…